Feminine Fury
by Phoenix13
Summary: G1 Silliness - Chapter 3 now up! Optimus Prime, Ultra Magnus, Rodimus Prime and the other males from Autobot City get into trouble. WARNING! Some adult references!
1. Default Chapter

Feminine Fury  
  
(Note: Nova is the property of Dark Angel. Optimus Prime's female alter ego 'Prisma' is the property of Phantom, as is the character of Andromeda.)  
  
  
  
Rodimus sat at his desk, quickly tapping away at an urgent email message he'd just received. Nova was patiently sitting on the other side of his desk, reading a vidmag while waiting for him to finish.  
  
Eventually, she got a bit annoyed with waiting for him. His shift had finished two hours ago after all!  
  
"Rod! What on Cybertron are you doing?" she demanded, dropping the vidmag down on his desktop. Rodimus grinned for a second then wiped it from his face.  
  
"Oh, uh, just an email I'm replying to. Nothing to concern you," Rodimus logged off and rose from his desk, stretching to get his joints lubricated.  
  
Nova gave him a searching look, then decided to drop it. "Uh huh."  
  
*~~*  
  
Optimus sat in his huge office in Iacon, waiting for Rodimus' email to return. His fingers drummed on the armrests of his chair and his optics stared out the window, watching as various shuttles and large cargo freighters arrived to land at the busy  
  
shuttleport a few sectors away.  
  
His email beeped and he turned his head back to the screen, the corners of his optics crinkling with delight. He read the email, chuckled, added another name to a list on his datapad and quickly tapped out an email to Ultra Magnus.  
  
*~*  
  
The City Commander had left his office a while ago, and was hanging around at his apartment. He saw the little blinking blue light on the communications panel and knew it was Optimus.  
  
He grabbed his laptop from the loungeroom table and plonked himself down at his study desk.  
  
He readied himself for reading about some sort of dire impending disaster and his mouth dropped open when he saw the contents of the email.  
  
"Holy Primus...." he murmured, reading the message Optimus had sent and then viewing the long list of attached to it. He sat back in his seat and frowned, shaking his head, but still a little smirk lifted up the corners of his lips.  
  
He re-read the email again, a bigger smile appearing on his lips.  
  
*~*  
  
Optimus was getting ready to leave his office - an impatient but polite Andromeda had been calling for him to shift his ass and get home before she resorted to borrowing one of the other femme's vibrators to satisfy herself.  
  
He was reaching for the cut-off switch to his main computer when a return email from Ultra Magnus popped up. He sat down in his chair as his optics scanned the message.....  
  
{Op,  
  
I knew there was a 'hottest mech' list going around the femmes. Nix told me where I came and who was No. 1- you! - but thats about all she'd spill. Very interesting to see the *entire* list! Megatron No. 3?! I actually thought Rodimus might come first because of the sheer numbers of femme conquests he has collected.  
  
I agree with you about doing a hot femme list. Put me down for a Phoenix vote. There's lots of femmes there I don't recognise the names of! I didn't realise we had that many females. Only Rodimus and Springer seem to keep count.  
  
Uh, just a quick thought - will we be having to separate feuding femmes if they start fighting over where they come on the list? You know they'll find out about this somehow, and they won't be happy girls! I don't think I could handle doing another property damage report right now...  
  
M. }  
  
Optimus shook his head, smiling behind his mask. Property damage? Trust Magnus to keep a sensible head about things.  
  
*~*  
  
Andromeda gave a small cute feminine grunt and managed to push half of Optimus' sleeping body from atop hers. {When he sleeps, he sleeps good!} she thought, lying back and panting. She lay back on her pillow, arms crossed behind her head, and watched the faint dawn light of Cybertron beginning to light up their bedroom. Prime mumbled something very faintly in his sleep. His hand closed on her waist and his head drew down into the small hollow of her hips. She sighed. Great. It was *really* hard to get up in the morning with several mega-tonnes of sexy mech draped on your body, and no easy way to remove it!  
  
The communications panel beeped. Prime's head snapped up, optics still fuzzy, "Email!" he said hoarsely, scrambling out of bed and kneeling on the floor to reach the com panel. His fingers tapped quickly on the keyboard, optics glued to the small screen. He looked like a child on christmas morning waiting for a sparkly new bicycle.  
  
"What???" A dazed Andromeda sat up and stared at him. "Op? Are you alright? Its just an email, hon." She was worried what on Cybertron he was doing throwing himself out of bed for an email. Nothing life-threatning or important usually arrived by email. And besides, he always checked it at his office. Why leap out of bed for it at home?  
  
Curious, she inched over onto her front and leaned forward off the bed, trying to see what was on the screen. She jerked back in the blankets when Optimus let out a startled cry of disbelief!  
  
"NO WAY! Thats not possible!!" Optimus gasped. "I wasn't a femme for that long! I can't be on the list!"  
  
"YOU WERE A FEMME?!" Andromeda retorted, optics wide. Optimus' head whipped around, his optics locked onto her.  
  
"Oh no....." he squeaked.  
  
Andromeda gaped at him, "Oh no is right! You look like a mech. And I know the important bits are male....." she accused, directing her optics to see the limp long interface hanging between his kneeling thighs. "You didn't have some sort of, ah, sex change, did you?" Andromeda asked anxiously.  
  
Optimus covered his face with his hands, "Yes."  
  
Andromeda's optics widened in horror.  
  
"A god-like figure calling himself 'Q' changed me into a femme for a week or two back when I was with Elita. No one was supposed to know except 'Lita, Magnus and Ratchet. I paraded as a femme and called myself Prisma. Then Q begrudgingly changed back to normal again." Optimus kept his head down and fiddled with the comlink controls, too nervous to look directly at her.  
  
Andromeda's expression changed from thoughtfulness to a sly grin. She leaned over, grasped his arm, and tugged him back onto the bed. He allowed her to do so and, lay back down. Ani reached out a hand and stroked his cheek, "Tell me more..." she purred. (Authors note: See Phantom's fanfic 'The Flip Side', where Optimus was turned into a femme by a mischievous Q from Star Trek.)  
  
*~*  
  
The following night in Metroplex's no-frills bar at the far end of the city.....  
  
Rodimus Prime rested his head on his forearm upon the table and groaned pitifully. Ultra Magnus gave him a sour look and crossed his arms.  
  
"Oh stop it, one vote per mech is enough," Magnus grumped, annoyed he had to listen to Rodimus bemoaning the fact he was allowed only *one vote* for the hottest femme list. The City Commander was also disgruntled Rodimus was still hanging around Nova (Magnus' daughter) and the relationship was actually going rather well - well enough to make Magnus suspicious of how deeply involved his daughter was with their co-leader.  
  
Rodimus opened one optic and directed it at Magnus, "So, have you submitted a demand to Optimus about being allowed to shoot every mech who votes for Phoenix?"  
  
"No." Magnus grimaced, he didn't like being teased about his jealous streak. Rodimus used Phoenix as a weapon to annoy Magnus with whenever he attacked Rodimus about Nova.  
  
Springer dumped his ass down into a chair at the table, followed by a more genteel Silverbolt who carefully drew out a chair and eased himself down. Magnus gave 'Bolt a slight nod and Rodimus did a cheery hello.  
  
"Speaking of shooting things, I heard your new rifle is arriving by courier, Mags. Is it the S24?" Springer said, sipping his drink.  
  
"Yes," Magnus finally showed a weak smile. He'd been in a seriously shitty demeanor all day. Weapons talk always perked him up, and Springer was a fellow weapons freak.  
  
"Great! Mags can wipe out half the Phoenix-drooling-mech's here with that thing! Didn't Optimus say you couldn't order that?" Rodimus sat up, leaning back in his chair and linking his hands behind his head. The bar was beginning to get busy. He was watching all the 'bots coming through the door.  
  
"I asked for a favor. He said yes," pause "eventually." Magnus sloshed his drink around in his glass, staring at the glittering liquid.  
  
"I don't get favors like that," Springer grumbled.  
  
"I wouldn't dare even ask.........." Silverbolt murmured, directing curious optics at Magnus.  
  
The guys were interrupted by a commotion at the entrance to the bar. Some mech's were hustling out the two femme barbots and quickly closing the doors after checking the bar for anymore femmes. Rodimus jumped up, rubbing his hands together. "Ahh! About time! Now we're just waiting for Op!"  
  
Magnus stood up, concerned. "Whats going on?"  
  
Springer grunted, and shifted his legs to prop them up on Magnus' empty chair. "The poll is finished. We're revealing the results."  
  
"Oh. Right." Magnus went to sit back down and got the blunt ends of Springer's feet up his ass. He yelped and jumped up, "SPRINGER~!"  
  
The Triple Changer rolled his optics and grudgingly moved his feet. "Hey, I thought you'd finished with the chair, alright?!"  
  
"Quiet!" Silverbolt hissed, as some of his aerialbot team came to cluster around the table with him. The bar was overflowing with enthusiastic mech's, all waiting for the final list of the hottest femmes. Springer was grinning wildly. He knew Arcee was up at the top. Maybe not in front of Elita One, but high up anyway.  
  
A knock at the sidedoor heralded the arrival of Optimus Prime, who squeezed his huge frame through the tiny door and strode up to the bar counter where Rodimus had swept off the tins and cups and was standing up on the bench. The mech's in the room cheered as Optimus was helped up onto the bar. Sandstorm scrubbed off the whiteboard menu on the wall and prepared to begin writing femme names as they were revealed.  
  
Optimus held out a hand for silence. His optics crinkled with amusement above his mask as he waited for the yells to die down and the talking to stop. The room quieted to just the shifting of feet and the tinkling of glasses.  
  
"Ahem, yes well, I know you're all here for the nicest femmes list-" he began, but was interrupted by peals of laughter and hoots of derision.  
  
"Nicest?! What happened to sexiest!!" One mech yelled.  
  
"Stuff sexiest, what about the biggest tits list!" Another called. More laughter echoed around the room.  
  
Springer thumped his fist on the table, laughing hard. Magnus had crossed his arms and was trying to scowl but the corners of his mouth crept up into a smirk. Slingshot was cupping his hands to his chest in the shape of large breasts and elbowing a chuckling Air Raid. Silverbolt used his Aerialbot Leader status to gave him a smack in the side of the head.  
  
Optimus had just started on his little 'Thank-you-for-coming' speech when Springer's comlink beeped. He ducked down to answer it. Magnus looked at him with curious optics and an expression of 'Do you have to answer it *now*?'  
  
{Hey Spring! How's my favourite mech!} Arcee's sweet voice came floating out of the com device on Springer's inside wrist.  
  
"Uh, hi 'Cee," Springer whispered, trying to pay attention to what Optimus was saying. The crowd in the bar drowned him out with a roar of approval when the name of the tenth femme on the list was announced. Prime was reading the list backwards in a countdown.  
  
{Springer? Where are you? Whats all the noise about?} Arcee enquired politely. Springer didn't catch the hint in his mate's voice of her being TOO polite. She was upset about something.  
  
"Oh, errr, nothing. Its just some guys making a ruckus. I'm in the bar." Springer said, straining to hear as Optimus started to read out the name of the ninth femme - Firestar. The tenth had been Chromia.  
  
{In the bar? I'll come join you then-} Arcee said.  
  
"NO! Uh, no Cee, I'll be home soon. Besides, its a special guys only night." Springer tried desperately to not arouse her interest, but he felt he was losing that particular fight.  
  
"Don't give us away, Spring." Magnus warned, directing a worried glare at his Triple Changer friend.  
  
{Don't give away *what*, Magnus?} Arcee's voice clearly demanded.  
  
"Oh no....." the two mech's groaned together.  
  
{Forget it Spring, you're in trouble already,} Arcee growled, {Does Phoenix know where *you* are Magnus?} the pink femme demanded.  
  
"Oh god....." Ultra Magnus propped his elbows on the table top and covered his face with his hands. Silverbolt watched him with sympathy. Slingshot mimed slitting his throat and Air Raid did an impression of a swooning distressed femme with flickering optics.  
  
Suddenly the attention of all the guys at the table was directed at a hysterically giggling and hiccupping Rodimus Prime who had lost his balance on the bar top and was crouched on the ground trying to get control of his intakes. Optimus was still standing on top of the bar, legs spread for balance, completely frozen with shock. Optimus had read out the number eight femme on the list - Prisma!!  
  
Ultra Magnus was gasping with loud laughter, leaning over and trying to control his mirth. His head was shaking back and forth as he spluttered. Optimus was gasping; "Thats not right! She can't be on the list!" he cried. Rodimus shrieked with hysteria.  
  
{What on Cybertron is going on down there?!} Arcee asked desperately, trying to understand what was happening. All she could hear were the cat- calls and wolf whistling of many excited mechs.  
  
Fortunately, only Magnus and Rodimus knew the utter significance of 'Prisma' being on the hottest femme list.  
  
"Whats wrong with Rodimus? Does he know Prisma?" Springer asked Magnus curiously. The City Commander was too busy struggling to get control of his laughter.  
  
{Thats it! I'm coming down there! I've never trusted a bunch of mech's having fun!} Arcee yelled over the comlink.  
  
Ar Raid chortled and leaned over to speak near Springer's wrist, "You can't get in, Arcee! The doors are locked!" he shouted. Too late. The femme had cut the transmission.  
  
"Its ok," Silverbolt said calmly with a little shrug, "she won't get in."  
  
"Oh yes she will," Springer said with a frightened look. He was as much afraid of what punishment his mate would deal out to him as what Optimus would do if any of the femmes got inside. Springer started to stand up and stopped midway when *Magnus'* comlink bleeped.  
  
"Ooooo crap. I know who that is. Don't answer it!" Springer said desperately.  
  
Ultra Magnus stared at the blinking comlink on his wrist. He knew Arcee had informed Phoenix that the mech's were doing something weird in the bar, and that Nix was calling to find out what was going on. He also had no doubt the other femmes in Metroplex were being informed as well. They would surely soon have a mad gang of femmes grouped outside the bar........  
  
"Don't answer it!" Springer hissed.  
  
"I have to!" Magnus growled back with a touch of terror.  
  
As Magnus and Springer stared with equal horror and disappointment at Magnus' blinking wrist communicator, Silverbolt was startled when his communicator started shrieking as well! And he wasn't the only one. The bar had gradually become quiet as nearly every mech's wrist began bleeping and flashing. The femmes were calling!  
  
Optimus Prime didn't understand what was going on, and before Rodimus could stop him (like he could anyway! Op had to answer!) Prime answered his communicator. "Prime here," he said calmly.  
  
{Oh good, its Ani. I thought you should know about the *huge* swarm of femmes heading down to the bar and gathering at the doors. Arcee called and said something about 'silly mech business'?} Andromeda sounded cheerful. Optimus groaned. Of course she would find this terribly amusing. She was one femme Optimus could count on to NOT rip out his bleeding energon pump over something like this - she would find the gathering amusing.  
  
By now most of the mech's had answered their comlinks to irritated, angry or curious femmes. The mech's were all looking up at their stricken leader and co-leader. Optimus still stood on the bar. Rodimus had gotten over his hysteria fit and was standing at Optimus' feet with his hands gripping the bartop.  
  
Ultra Magnus timidly pushed his chair back from the table and opened his comlink.  
  
{MAGNUS! Where the hell are you?!} Phoenix's voice screeched out of his wrist.  
  
"I'm in a meeting." Magnus said weakly. His optics looked across the room at the few mech's hanging around at the bar windows. They were gasping and describing the group of angry marching femmes making their way towards the building. "There's a lot of girls out there," one of them muttered worriedly.  
  
{Like crap! You're in the bar along with every other mech that's disappeared from the City!! Why am I NOT important enough to know whats going on??} His femme's voice was reaching the screaming stage.  
  
Springer leaned close to Magnus' audio to offer advice, "Tell her it's Rodimus' fault. It always is, isn't it?"  
  
"I heard that!!" Rodimus Prime snapped back at Springer from across the room, and hefted an energon mug at Springer's head. Springer protected his head with crossed arms and the mug bounced off his armor.  
  
"THEY'RE AT THE DOOR!" a mech yelled above the din of the room. On top of the bar, Optimus looked down at Rodimus and they exchanged looks. Optimus looked horrified, Rodimus broke out with a rabid grin. He liked muck-ups.  
  
"We'll have to open the door," Optimus said, getting down from the bartop. He yelled out, "EVERYONE QUIET~!"  
  
The room went silent. Sandstorm, Kup and one of Blaster's little cassettes Rewind, leant their backs to the double doors and froze. Then a female hand tapped loudly on the bar door from the other side.. 


	2. Feminine Fury Continues

Feminine Fury, Chapter 2  
  
  
  
Autobot City, Earth - The Common Bar  
  
Arcee's lips were thin, pressed together by the rigidness of her anger, tempered with curiosity. She was angry, yes, but only moderately so. She was annoyed with Springer for not trusting her with the information that him and 'the boys' would be holding a large group meeting, which the femmes were excluded from.  
  
"Buggar this, they're won't answer. Break it in!" hissed Phoenix, standing at Arcee's shoulder. Behind the dark red femme were the other waiting femmes from the City. Female voices rose in agreement.  
  
"Don't start this off with so much anger, Nix. The guys know we're unhappy, that's enough," Chromia spoke. She wasn't worried. She didn't have a mech of her own in there to harass. Although she had been accepting overtures from the Protectobot, Hot Spot, which was an interesting development for her. He was unsure of himself but determined. And cute.  
  
Arcee raised her hand to knock again.  
  
The door was pulled open before she made contact. Optimus Prime stood in the entrance, one hand holding onto the doorframe, his body backlit by the inside lights. All the femme's optics went wide.  
  
"Can I help you ladies?" Optimus asked pleasantly. The grouped femmes could see some of their mech's seated at tables inside, seemingly drinking quietly, no fuss. Except for Blaster's cassette, Rewind; he was sitting safely under a table, hugging his knees to his chest with his optics turned off and talking to himself.  
  
The femmes started to speak all at once-  
  
"Where's Magnus?!"  
  
"Outta my way, Silverbolt's ass needs re-arranging!"  
  
"What are you doing in there?"  
  
"Whats the big secret?"  
  
"Are you guys anti-femmes or what."  
  
"Can I get a drink?"  
  
"I'm taking this to the Discrimination Council!"  
  
"Have you got STRIPPERS in there..?!!"  
  
"SHUDDUP!" Arcee yelled over her shoulder. The femmes went quiet. Except for some nasty mumblings.  
  
"Wheelie say, no way going out there today until girls go away!" Wheelie's worried voice carried from behind Optimus. He knew he wasn't popular with the femmes, and angry femmes were even worse.  
  
Optimus' optics blinked at Wheelie's statement. Some of the mech's laughed. One called for Wheelie to be tossed out and made as an 'offering of peace'. Wheelie squealed in fear.  
  
Rodimus Prime stuck his head around the door. "Heya chicks!", he waved. A femme giggled. Others waved back shyly at the Autobot Co-Commander. One stuck a finger up. Rodimus blew a kiss.  
  
Arcee gave Rodimus a glare then ignored him and switched on her flirty & cute femme mode, as opposed to her serious warrior mode of 'I'll-rip-off- your-private-bits-and-hang-them-from-my-rear-vision-mirror'.  
  
"Optimus," she purred, stepping forward, kinking a hip out and running a fingertip down his chestplate. Optimus' optics flared and he looked down at Arcee's finger now doing circles on his chest. His body snapped to attention. Femme alert!  
  
"You can tell us what's going on, can't you?" Arcee said, tilting her head to the side and gazing up at him with shaded optics. Her finger did a figure-of-eight.  
  
Rodimus looked on enviously. She'd never done that to HIM, damn it.  
  
"Uh, well.. Um." Optimus stumbled for words, his gaze stuck on Arcee's naughty finger. It was getting lower.  
  
Andromeda moved to the front of the femme crowd and slapped Arcee's hand away, "Hands off my boytoy, Arcee."  
  
"Okay," Arcee shrugged, dropped the come-on and moved aside.  
  
Andromeda gripped the bottom of Optimus' facemask and pulled his head down to her own height. "Now look sweetie, lets get this over with." Her tone was all business. She wasn't angry. Just amused. And if anyone was going to have fingers on her boyfriend's bod, it'd be her. She was a bodyguard, after all.  
  
There was silence. Andromeda hung on to Optimus' facemask. Waiting.  
  
Optimus Prime thought faster than his CPU's rated processing speed. "We're having a medical talk on mech problems. First Aid is lecturing us." He couldn't believe he just said that.  
  
"I can't believe he just said that!" Kup spluttered in a whisper, on the otherside of the bar wall.  
  
"Neither can I," First Aid muttered back, "And I'm the doctor. I ain't giving no talk."  
  
Andromeda let Prime's mask go. He straightened up. "See? All that fuss for nothing," Optimus said, trying to repair the damage. "Some of the mech's needed some privacy with their, uh, delicate issues. That's why we're all here. And no femmes."  
  
"Crap," Phoenix snapped, "Why are you talking about such stuff in a bar?" Her wings fluttered angrily on her back.  
  
Andromeda sighed and flipped a hand at him in dismissal, "Alright, you'll tell me eventually. I'm going back to our apartment to watch TV. Smallville is on in a minute," Andromeda turned around, moving through the femmes as they parted to let her leave.  
  
The femmes were confused. A few were still angry. Some snickered. Most of all, they were lost with what to do next. Optimus saw his moment. "Bye now!" he said happily, and closed the double doors with a thump.  
  
"NO WAY~!" All the femme's voices yelled as one. Opps. 


	3. Feminine Fury 3

Feminine Fury 3  
  
The femmes stood staring at the closed bar doors. Either the guys inside came out, or the girls got in. Nothing else was satisfactory.  
  
Firestar stalked to the front of the group, faced the crowd, and said evenly, "Hands up who doesn't believe that garbage about the 'mech problems' talk."  
  
All hands went up. Except for one at the back, which wavered, dropped back down, and then went half up again.  
  
"Why don't we try talking to them over the comlinks?" a femme asked.  
  
Chromia smacked her lightly on the back of her head, "Now look dear, don't ruin our fun. No talking to them, okay? Femmes up to mischief will cause them a lot of priceless squirming."  
  
Firestar grinned brightly, "Right then. Who's good at breaking into doors?"  
  
"Oooo! Me! Meee!" Chromia burst out, then fairly danced up to the doors and began a proper inspection. They were solid. A set of old-fashioned swinging doors, instead of the modern sliding doors found all over Metroplex. The bar was a storeroom in a previous life, until it was taken over for recreational purposes.  
  
"I'm good, but Dad will kill me," Nova moaned. She was sure her shaky relationship with her father Ultra Magnus would turn into a non-existent entity if he got mad and did something silly. Like, perhaps, sit on her until she said "I promise not to destroy public property!" a hundred times.  
  
Chromia was crouched on the ground inspecting the bottom door hinge when the door abruptly began to open, and Springer burst out.  
  
"Hey!" Chromia cried out, knocked on her blue butt.  
  
The green Triple Changer pounced on Arcee with an accusing finger, "What were you doing touching Optimus Prime's chest, huh?! Do I go round touching other femme's chests, huh, do I? Not fair, Arcee!" Springer pronounced indignantly.  
  
Arcee just smirked at him, and said quietly, "Girls - JUMP HIM!". Springer shrieked as at least a dozen femmes hit him at once, driving him to the ground and sitting on his back. They all crowed triumphantly. Moonracer raised her fist in the air, placing one foot on the back of Springer's head, "We have a prisoner!" she cried.  
  
"OH MY GOD!" wailed Tracks, staring out the bar window, "They've captured Springer!"  
  
Rodimus Prime laughed hysterically. Optimus groaned and shook his head. Ultra Magnus chuckled and waved bye-bye in Springer's direction, "I TOLD him not to go outside. Sucker."  
  
"But...but. what will they do to him?" Optimus asked, a bit disturbed at seeing one of his warrior's flattened and sat on by some rowdy femmes.  
  
"Nothing! Look!" Blaster laughed, joining Tracks at the small window. Optimus and Magnus moved the other mech's aside and had a look. Rodimus peeked in between their chests. From the ground outside, Springer waved one hand at them happily. He was in ecstasy. He was lying on his front, surrounded on all sides by femmes. He was kissing the ankles of those he could reach and tickling others who came too close. Those sitting on his back stroked the rear of his helmet. Or patted his rounded butt.  
  
Blaster crossed his arms smugly, "Told ya."  
  
"That's disgusting," Ultra Magnus said disapprovingly.  
  
Optimus Prime blinked his optics and then abruptly turned to face the mech's left inside the bar, "NO ONE is going outside until we've got this all sorted out - is that CLEAR??"  
  
Mech voices rose in a disappointed chorus, "Awwwww!". They would've loved to be sat upon.  
  
"Party pooper," Kup grouched.  
  
"Uh, Optimus-" Magnus dropped a hand on Prime's shoulder and pulled him back around to the window. "They're trying to break in the doors."  
  
The two Commanders looked outside and saw Chromia, Arcee and Phoenix probing the doors.  
  
"Quick! Hold onto the doors from the inside!" Optimus blurted, and jumped to grabbing the long handles spanning the width of the doors. They opened outwards, if the guys hung onto them, they'd stay shut no matter what the femmes did.  
  
The strongest mech's; Rodimus, Optimus and Magnus; all positioned themselves with feet planted and arms braced. The doors shook with something the femmes were doing to them on the other side.  
  
"Optimus?" Magnus said.  
  
"Yes Mags?"  
  
"I feel stupid."  
  
"Don't worry Magnus, being strong makes up for it," Rodimus snickered.  
  
Magnus would've hit him but his hands were occupied, "Kiss my aft, Rodi," he growled.  
  
Outside, Chromia was leading the way with disabling the doors. She pushed a hand to the door - it gave a fraction and then went firm. "Ah, they're holding onto it from the inside."  
  
"And.?" Phoenix spoke impatiently.  
  
Chromia pursed her lips, "And, if we cut the hinges, they'll fall backwards. On their asses. And we get in."  
  
"That's good, lets do that." Phoenix's grin turned sicker.  
  
Arcee and Chromia co-ordinated their laser-cutting efforts. With silent hand signals they got ready.  
  
"Um, something's happening," Tracks pressed his nose sideways to the window, trying to look closer.  
  
"What are they doing?" Optimus asked.  
  
"Well, it looks like-"  
  
-CRASH- THUMP- "ARGGH~!"  
  
"-they're cutting off the hinges," Tracks finished belatedly.  
  
Optimus Prime, Rodimus Prime and Ultra Magnus all lay on their backs holding the remains of the doors to their chests. The other mech's all stood on the farside of the room with their backs to the wall, frozen. Phoenix hopped onto the doors and grinned down at the three big guys who lay stunned. "Hello!" she chirped.  
  
The remaining femmes trooped in. Arcee bent down to a flattened Optimus Prime, who made no move to get up. "We wanted to hear the intimate mech secrets talk. Is that alright with you?"  
  
Optimus nodded mutely.  
  
"Goody," Arcee said smugly. She walked over the doors, listening to the grunts of the mech's underneath and moved up to the bar, reaching for a drink.  
  
Ultra Magnus turned his head to Optimus who lay on his left, "Property damage, Optimus, PROPERTY DAMAGE. Didn't I warn you?!" he hissed.  
  
"Oh, shut up," Optimus groaned.  
  
"Kiss his aft, Optimus!" Rodimus trilled, then began laughing madly.  
  
The femmes got free drinks that night..  
  
THE END! 


End file.
